Going Toward, Not Against: Embracing Our Struggles with Compassion
I recently read the book Dying To Know - a conversation between Ram Das and Timothy Leary shortly before Timothy Leary died of cancer. In his reflections on being diagnosed with cancer, Timothy Leary said:
"I don’t see it as a fight. I’m not battling cancer; I’m navigating it, learning from it. The language of war—‘fighting’ cancer—creates resistance. I prefer to ride the waves of it, to explore what it has to teach me."
This quote struck a deep chord in me, not only as a therapist but as a human being intimately familiar with suffering—both my own and that of those I serve. Leary’s approach mirrors a fundamental truth that I have come to hold dear in my work: The way forward is not through resistance but through presence. Instead of waging war on our pain, our emotions, or our circumstances, we can learn to navigate them with curiosity and compassion.
The Courage to Look at Our Struggles Differently
Turning toward our suffering requires immense courage. It is far easier to continue disliking or avoiding the parts of ourselves that feel broken, unworthy, or overwhelming. Society often teaches us that strength means suppressing pain or pushing through hardship without acknowledging its impact. But true strength lies in our ability to remain present with our difficulties, to approach them with curiosity rather than fear.
This shift in perspective does not happen overnight. It asks us to meet discomfort with an open heart, to be willing to sit in the unknown, and to trust that even the most painful experiences hold the potential for transformation. When we cultivate the bravery to look inward with tenderness, we begin to dismantle the inner walls that keep us disconnected from ourselves and others.
Turning Toward Instead of Away
In Buddhist philosophy, suffering (dukkha) is not something to be eradicated but something to be understood. The First Noble Truth acknowledges that suffering is inherent in life, while the Second Noble Truth reminds us that our resistance—our clinging to pleasure and aversion to pain—only amplifies it. The path to peace, then, is not about fighting against what is uncomfortable but learning how to be with it.
In my work I often witness the profound transformation that occurs when clients stop resisting their emotions and start allowing themselves to feel them. This does not mean being consumed by grief, rage, or anxiety, but rather, holding space for these feelings without judgment. Just as breathwork activates the parasympathetic nervous system to bring the body back to regulation (read more on breathwork’s effects here), mindfulness allows us to reframe our relationship with suffering.
Micro-Aggressions Against Ourselves: The Subtle Ways We Resist
So often, we engage in small acts of resistance against our own experience—subtle self-criticisms, avoidance, or numbing behaviors. We tell ourselves to “get over it,” to “stay strong,” or to “just think positively.” These micro-aggressions against our own pain create further fragmentation rather than integration.
But what if, instead of resisting, we softened? What if we met our pain with the same tenderness we would offer a friend? What if we could recognize anger, grief, and fear as teachers rather than enemies?
The Resilience Found in Mindfulness
Resilience is not about avoiding suffering—it is about learning to move through it with awareness and grace. When we slow down and connect with the energetic felt sense of our emotions, we cultivate an inner stability that allows us to face difficulties without being overtaken by them. Mindfulness offers us this opportunity: to witness our suffering without judgment, to acknowledge its presence, and ultimately, to let it go.
When we bring attention to where pain resides in the body—perhaps a tightening in the chest, a clenching in the stomach, or a constriction in the throat—we begin to form a relationship with it rather than push it away. This simple act of noticing creates space. In that space, we find the ability to soften, to breathe, to allow. Over time, this practice builds resilience, teaching us that emotions, no matter how intense, are temporary. By remaining present with them rather than resisting, we foster a deep trust in our own capacity to heal.
The Practice of Navigating Instead of Fighting
Here are some ways we can begin to shift from fighting against our pain to navigating it:
Somatic Awareness: Pay attention to where resistance shows up in your body. Tightness in the jaw? Shallow breath? See if you can soften into it rather than brace against it. (More on somatic therapy).
Breathwork: Engage in conscious breathwork to soothe the nervous system and create a sense of inner spaciousness. (Try these breathwork techniques).
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Instead of trying to suppress difficult emotions, simply acknowledge them: “This is anger. This is grief.” Allow them to move through you.
Ritual and Ceremony: When working with psychedelic-assisted therapy, I often invoke the sacred elements of the North, East, South, and West to help clients navigate deep emotional terrain. Rituals can serve as grounding anchors, helping individuals move toward their suffering rather than resist it. Whether through lighting a candle, setting an intention, or using symbolic objects, rituals create a sense of safety and structure. They invite a sacred presence into the process, transforming difficulty into an opportunity for insight and healing. Ceremonies and rituals can mark transitions, honor what has been lost, and open pathways to deeper integration.
The Path of Least Resistance is Through
What Leary articulated about his experience with cancer is true for all of us: Resistance creates suffering. But if we learn to ride the waves rather than fight the current, we can move through our pain with grace. This is the work I am honored to do with my clients—helping them turn toward their experience rather than against it, walking with them as they navigate their own storms.
May we all learn to soften into our experience rather than resist it. The way forward is not through force—it is through presence.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to explore more about my approach to therapy, mindfulness, and psychedelic integration. Schedule a consultation here.
